Parking Police & Fashion Faux Pas - a day at the Galleria

Today my sister and I went to the galleria to run some errands. Now, I've gotten to the point where shopping just for the sake of shopping drives me crazy (probably in part because I'm broke). One would think that on a Sunday the mall might not be as crowded. One would also be WRONG. So, after cruising the parking garage, we finally find a spot. However, we had to go by several empty spots. Why? Because, for some reason, people with tiny cars think that if their car is a foot and a half into the other spot, someone can still park there. FALSE. If, for example, you drive a TOYOTA SOLARA, you might want to go back to remedial parking school. It is just so rude to park badly. Then, we passed at least 3 mercedes parked the same way, because heaven forbid someone park their chevy or ford within four feet of you. watch out, the ordinary might rub off.

After resisting the urge to decorate a few cars with the end of my key, we enter the mall. Holy Cow. Apparently no one informed me that today was "Bring your entire extended family/village/apartment complex to the mall day." Not only did every person have an entire entourage of people, but everyone also decided to walk as s l o w l y as possible. I realize Houston weather sucks, but please, for my sanity, find somewhere else to walk your 7 hooligan children. If they had moving sidewalks in malls, I would be ALL over that. It also terrifies me to realize that some of these people leave the mall and get behind the wheel of a vehicle. I feel like I'm playing cuberunner or something, some of these people seriously need turn signals attached permanently to their heads. And then, when someone who is staring at their feet nearly knocks you into the skating rink, they always glare at you like it's your fault. If you can't walk and breathe at the same time without running into someone, you MIGHT have a problem.

The Houston Galleria is also a great place to observe all walks of life. And, as such, fashion faux pas are EVERYWHERE. I realize we can now wear white without the fashion police doing whatever it is they do, but that does not give one the license to wear white see through sweatpants that are at least 4 sizes too small. I know way more about that woman than I ever wanted. Just a general rule of thumb, if it feels like it's cutting off circulation, it's too small.

if you're not a) Britney Spears b) a superhero or c) an "exotic dancer," you have NO excuse to wear clothes this tight. Please, keep an entire generation from gouging their eyes out with pencils.

In addition to sprayed on sweats, I actually saw a girl wearing those sandal boots. Hers looked less like she made them from trash, but I still just don't get it.

Jean shorts. Granted, it's summer, the time to show off your legs and hopefully your tan. However, if your butt is hanging out of the bottom of your shorts...they MIGHT be too short. I've seen swimsuit bottoms that cover more.

Sometimes less is more, sometimes more is more. with clothes, I tend to go with more is more. More is definitely less likely to make me vomit.

so cover up, try to bring only your closest 8 friends, and learn how to park. Do this, and you might survive the galleria.