School Shmool

You may not have known my life was in mortal peril for the past two weeks, which is why I haven't posted in so long. However, having survived the two weeks of hell and having welcomed the new baby angels into the Pi Phi house, life can return to normal. Or at least, as normal as life ever is in this little college town I like to call home. Unfortunately school starts tomorrow (hiss), but luckily this smart college student doesn't have class until 12:10 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Be jealous.

After being here for only two weeks, I can already tell it's going to be a great year. Life in college station is nothing if not eventful. It's also a year of firsts: first year of recruitment, first year to live in the pi phi house, first time to camp out for football tickets, first time trying to figure out how to get to campus for classes (unnecessary) and many other firsts that haven't happened yet.

Camping out for football tickets: done. Disclaimer: camping is probably not the right word for my experience. For some strange reason, the weather has actually been in the 80s here in good ol' CS, which made our nighttime vigil much better than it could have been. Unfortunately, someone couldn't do simple math and only brought 1 air mattress for four people to fight over. Did the three gentlemen I was with offer it to me? HAH. One of them passed out on it at the early hour of 4 am leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves with 2 lawn chairs, one of those round chairs, a snuggie and one sleeping bag. This was all AFTER we had to relocate our campsite because Old Faithful in the form of a broken sprinkler decided to go off, soaking my blanket, pillow, and t-shirt. Thanks and gig 'em. I found myself wishing for the Weasley's tent from the Quidditch World Cup...not for the first time. Or at least another air mattress. However, the night was successful because we ended up with all of our tickets for the Arkansas game! Whoop!

There also seems to be an interesting tradition of me needing to rescue some friends on my first weekends back in college. I am SUCH a good friend. (mean girls reference). Driving around at 2 am on friday nights in College Station always gives you some interesting glimpses into people's lives. Example: seeing some guy passed out in his car at the light at the intersection of George Bush and Texas. At least he was wearing his seatbelt.

Even though I'm not so thrilled for home work and school and class and responsibility and all that other nonsense for which people think they go to college, I am inexpressibly excited for this year and everything that it will bring.

Fighting Texas Aggie Class of 2013 A-A-A-A-A, it's gonna be one helluva year!

The Boy Who Sucked at Life

So, if you couldn't figure it out, this little post will be about Harry Potter or Harry Freaking Potter, if you will. AVPS reference. If you don't get it, you should go google it. I recently re-read the 7th book because a) I have no life b) I only read it once and c) I wanted to read it again before the movie comes out.

Firstly, this book should be called Harry Potter and the Extended Camping Trip With About 10 Pages of Action and Everyone You Like Dies. Obviously that wouldn't fit on a book jacket, so J.K. Rowling copped out and called it Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Silly. Oh, yeah, spoiler alert. Harry, Hermione, and Ron spend 3/4 of the book sitting in a tent trying to figure out what could be a horcrux, where to find one, and how to destroy it. Granted, they don't have a whole lot to go on. Why? Because Dumbledore, the Son of a Basilisk, decided to not tell Harry anything remotely important until they hang out in limbo while Voldemort's soul is screeching and dying under a bench. Coincidence that Voldemort is represented as a screaming child? I think not.

Voldy doesn't like screaming children either.

THEN once the book finally starts getting interesting and all of the kids at Hogwarts want to start helping, Harry decides to be all noble and try to keep anyone from helping. At this point you are sitting on the edge of your chair biting your finger bones because the book is going so slow and they are spending way too much time standing around. The idiot finally lets his friends help (kind of him after they managed to set up and underground resistance without ANY help from the Boy Who is Lame). Harry, Ron, and Hermione still have to battle Death Eaters as they search for the diadem of Ravenclaw and after all 6 years of school and that intense year of the D.A., Hermione is still the ONLY one casting any sort of useful spells. Harry is like that one kid in public school that manages to fail the TAKS. Finally, he goes and fights Voldemort and realizes he is a horcrux. Seriously, he is the only one who hasn't figured out yet that the reason he speaks parseltongue, sees inside Voldy's twisted head, and has survived all these confrontations is OBVIOUSLY because he is a horcrux. Huzzah.

Harry and Voldy fight, which means Harry stands there and talks to the ghosts of all the awesome people Rowling decided to kill off earlier. Harry dies and goes to La La Land where he sees good ol Dumbledore, who decides to fill him in on EVERYTHING that he should have known in his first year of Hogwarts. Way to be a heartless user, Dumbles, you Son of a Bezor. Harry comes back to life, after letting everyone think he's dead for about 30 minutes, kills Moldy Voldy at last and hooray everyone wins. Except all of the people that died. Like Fred, Lupin, Tonks, and any other characters to which you might have been attached. Thanks, J.K Rowling. Way to be a downer. What spell does Harry Potter use to fell one of the greatest wizards of all time? Expelliarmus. EXPELLI-FREAKIN-ARMUS. 6 years of instruction at Hogwarts and that is literally the only spell this kid knows. That, and "Accio Firebolt." Maybe it's just because I'm a republican, but I think that if I was facing my mortal enemy who had tried to kill me for my ENTIRE life, then I would be morally and ethically okay with using Avada Kedavra. But that's just me. Oh, and I wouldn't have named my kid Albus. Way to set the stage for another kid to go through his life at Hogwarts being made fun of, gotta carry on the family legacy.

Now, all of this said, I love the Harry Potter series and am currently watching Goblet of Fire. However, I reserve the right to be frustrated with book 7 and Harry's ability to not learn anything in 6 years of school.

the moral of this post? public school > private school.

Guys Who Should Not Be the Next Bachelor

Sorry that these posts have been so lackluster lately. I guess I've just been pretty content with life and have had nothing to angst about (rare, I assure you). This is great for me, but not so great for my 1 1/2 avid readers. (Don't ask how you can have half a reader, just go with it, this is my blog). I have to thank a friend and fellow blogger of mine for the inspiration for this post. Go check her out, she is far more clever than I could hope to be! Anyway, she introduced me to a gem of a website called themansguidetolove.com. Naturally, with a title this catchy, I had to check it out.

This site features little video tidbits of men. The first four men -- winners. They are all over the age of 30 and are apparently experts in the love game.

Guy 1: Jorda (first of all what kind of a name is this? icelandic?)

His advice is good - "tell a woman she is beautiful." Ok great, I'll give him credit for that one... even if it is the oldest trick in the book. Also, I hope Jorda isn't expecting the favor to be returned. The 80's called, they wants their hairdo back. Oh, and of course the soul patch is always in.

Guy 2: Tim

Keep things slow... so that you can figure out the person is PSYCHO before you get in too deep and they rob you to pay for their heroine habit and stab you. Or you could just end up with a train wreck like Vienna Girardi. Makes you wonder if this guy has had first hand experience when he starts listing off different "problem traits." Should've listened to Tim, Jake. Just don't imitate his fashion sense. I mean, as if the baseball cap with killer flames running down the brim wasn't classy enough, Tim also rocks an Affliction t-shirt. Way to go, bro.

Guy 3: James

Sex. Does it come as a surprise that it's the third guy in and he wants to talk about doin' the dirty? Nope. This guy's advice? Communication. Normally a guy preaching communication would be God's gift to women. This guy thinks that lack of communication leads to problems in other areas, which is true. However, seems like if you're needing to have an epic discussion while in the middle of some other stuff... there might be a few more problems than just your lack of communication. Moving on.

Guy 4: Chris

I take it back, this guy is 25. He also is sitting shirtless on a street holding a "fishing pole" that has a sign hanging from it that says "fishing for beer and pot." He also has huge hoop/gauge earrings on that look like the weigh half a pound each. Now, maybe it's because I'm not from Austin, but I don't really think this guy is the expert on love, women, or anything else in life. Call me a snob, but I feel like if love ranks behind beer and pot on this guy's list of life goals, then maybe he's not exactly a well of wisdom.

Granted I didn't watch all of the testimonials on here, and maybe some of these guys did not just crawl out from under a Hooters, but I don't think I'd be taking any of these "love gurus" seriously. Especially since most of the advice for guys out there is more along the lines of this other site, which gives tips on how to be a playa. (Playa as in thug speech for player. Not spanish for beach. Vocab lesson for the day. You're welcome. )

This is advice from a guy named "Wood." Creative.

"3 days. Christ came back after 3 days for a reason. To teach us the 3 day rule. Once you hit three days call her up. Be ready for her to answer. When she does remember that you're calling her up to set up a date not to talk. Talking is for chicks and AFC's or girlfriends. Start off by asking how her past few days have been. Show some interest and then go in for the kill. Try not to let her pick the day, but its not the biggest deal if she does. Your best fatality move here is just telling her to come out with you on lets say Friday. Tell her 9 pm Friday, I know this great place. This kind of assertiveness is a weapon of mass destruction. After you set it up wrap up the conversation and tell her you'll see her soon. As for voicemails and texts...don't do it. DON'T DO IT."

winner. I'm glad this guy is using strategies and words he learned playing Call of Duty in his mom's basement like fatality and weapons of mass destruction to plan on getting girls. Congratulations, Private, you have completed your mission -- to become a total and complete jackass. Also this guy could use some serious grammar help. I can't explain how much I want to go back and punctuate this properly.

Now, I'm not saying this to be some sort of feminazi. I don't hate men, and while I think He's Just Not That Into You is one of the greatest movies ever and I need to read the book, I also know there are plenty of great guys out there. They just happen to be smart enough not to post jerky comments on websites like this or do cheesy interviews. This is merely for the purpose of amusement and maybe some good natured head shaking. Silly boys, games are for girls. Trying all the ninja mind tricks will just confuse you and make us mad. See Dane Cook: Brain Ninjas.

Cheers!

Things You Don't Care About

Now that I don't have summer school, I can't seem to keep up with my blog. I wish I could say that it's because I have a life, but I would probably be lying. I did get to return home for the weekend to College Station (WHOOP) but unfortunately, my immune system decided it would be a FANtastic idea for me to be sick for the three days I was there. Huzzah. It was still rull fun, because it is college station, and therefore, way better than Houston. While the boys were mowing the lawn, I took the opportunity to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean Marathon and annoy whoever happened to be in the room at the time with my incessant quoting. One of my hidden talents is the ability to memorize worthless information...like entire movie scripts (see: any Lord of the Rings movie). So this leads me to think of some other random/ridiculous/pointless facts about me.

1. Movie Quotes

yes, I am one of those annoying people that can quote at least one line from most movies, and used the opportunity to quote things in conversation on a regular basis.

2. I hate pickles

I don't want to eat them, smell them, see them, or be around them. They are DISGUSTING. However, I love cucumbers. go figure.

3. High Career Aspirations

When I was little, my grandmother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. My response?

Wallpaper.

I wish I was joking.

4. I am awful at telling time.

Digital clocks? life saver. I used to wear a watch and be constantly embarrassed when someone would ask me what time it was because by the time I figured out what time it was, it was an hour or so later.

5. Batman

I love Batman. No idea where or when this obsession started, but my google is currently set to the batman theme, I own a batman hat and folder, and I am constantly on the lookout for a batman thermos and/or lunchbox. buy me one and I will love you forever.

now that I've ended on a nice odd number (sorry abby), here's a movie trailer that I am super excited about to alleviate the boredom you just experienced from this post.