So, if you couldn't figure it out, this little post will be about Harry Potter or Harry Freaking Potter, if you will. AVPS reference. If you don't get it, you should go google it. I recently re-read the 7th book because a) I have no life b) I only read it once and c) I wanted to read it again before the movie comes out.
Firstly, this book should be called Harry Potter and the Extended Camping Trip With About 10 Pages of Action and Everyone You Like Dies. Obviously that wouldn't fit on a book jacket, so J.K. Rowling copped out and called it Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Silly. Oh, yeah, spoiler alert. Harry, Hermione, and Ron spend 3/4 of the book sitting in a tent trying to figure out what could be a horcrux, where to find one, and how to destroy it. Granted, they don't have a whole lot to go on. Why? Because Dumbledore, the Son of a Basilisk, decided to not tell Harry anything remotely important until they hang out in limbo while Voldemort's soul is screeching and dying under a bench. Coincidence that Voldemort is represented as a screaming child? I think not.
Voldy doesn't like screaming children either.
THEN once the book finally starts getting interesting and all of the kids at Hogwarts want to start helping, Harry decides to be all noble and try to keep anyone from helping. At this point you are sitting on the edge of your chair biting your finger bones because the book is going so slow and they are spending way too much time standing around. The idiot finally lets his friends help (kind of him after they managed to set up and underground resistance without ANY help from the Boy Who is Lame). Harry, Ron, and Hermione still have to battle Death Eaters as they search for the diadem of Ravenclaw and after all 6 years of school and that intense year of the D.A., Hermione is still the ONLY one casting any sort of useful spells. Harry is like that one kid in public school that manages to fail the TAKS. Finally, he goes and fights Voldemort and realizes he is a horcrux. Seriously, he is the only one who hasn't figured out yet that the reason he speaks parseltongue, sees inside Voldy's twisted head, and has survived all these confrontations is OBVIOUSLY because he is a horcrux. Huzzah.
Harry and Voldy fight, which means Harry stands there and talks to the ghosts of all the awesome people Rowling decided to kill off earlier. Harry dies and goes to La La Land where he sees good ol Dumbledore, who decides to fill him in on EVERYTHING that he should have known in his first year of Hogwarts. Way to be a heartless user, Dumbles, you Son of a Bezor. Harry comes back to life, after letting everyone think he's dead for about 30 minutes, kills Moldy Voldy at last and hooray everyone wins. Except all of the people that died. Like Fred, Lupin, Tonks, and any other characters to which you might have been attached. Thanks, J.K Rowling. Way to be a downer. What spell does Harry Potter use to fell one of the greatest wizards of all time? Expelliarmus. EXPELLI-FREAKIN-ARMUS. 6 years of instruction at Hogwarts and that is literally the only spell this kid knows. That, and "Accio Firebolt." Maybe it's just because I'm a republican, but I think that if I was facing my mortal enemy who had tried to kill me for my ENTIRE life, then I would be morally and ethically okay with using Avada Kedavra. But that's just me. Oh, and I wouldn't have named my kid Albus. Way to set the stage for another kid to go through his life at Hogwarts being made fun of, gotta carry on the family legacy.
Now, all of this said, I love the Harry Potter series and am currently watching Goblet of Fire. However, I reserve the right to be frustrated with book 7 and Harry's ability to not learn anything in 6 years of school.
the moral of this post? public school > private school.
No comments:
Post a Comment